Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize