This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
