You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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