My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
