He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
