i wish there were pregnant emoticons
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
