very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
