What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
