i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
