I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize