oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
