she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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