She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
