Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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