Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
