it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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