I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
