i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Farmville is her only friend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
