will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
not ubering you a puppy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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