Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize