I feel like abortions should bother me more
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
