nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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