Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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