he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
