Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
