I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
