i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize