i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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