I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
