I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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