you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
