If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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