He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
