can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
