So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
