wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't think brook has ever known best
two words: eviction party
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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