Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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