Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
