Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
