This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
