Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
