Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
