So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize