Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
