I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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