Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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