Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
