i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize