So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
