I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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