it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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