Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
