All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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