She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
