Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize