Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh god it's open bar.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
