birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
