Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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