So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize