Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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