Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
