Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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