Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize