If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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