It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
