thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
