your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
home. puking in laundry basket.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The uberlube is also flammable
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
