Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
