I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
