I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
