you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
