I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He passed out mid-signature
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
