when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
