Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
