all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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