I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
