Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize