you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
