he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
