I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
