Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
