His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
