I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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