my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
