I think my vagina is haunted
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize