I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
