fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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