Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
