can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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