if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
