I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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