Will you blow on my dice?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
