Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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