hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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