thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
