This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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