Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
