I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
