maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
