He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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