Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize