I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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