My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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