I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
