as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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