I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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