Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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