I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
