Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
